Final

Self Assessment

            Coming into my first semester at Southern Connecticut State University, I was entirely unprepared for what was awaiting me on campus.  I was expecting it to be what we see in the movies: students magically acing there tests as it cuts to a scene of students parting in their dorms followed by friends meeting up to get food.  I imagined everyday would be a breeze.  Although, with all this in mind, I was aware that school would be challenging.  I knew there would be work involved but I just simply wasn’t prepared to meet the demands of the college education experience.  Graduating from a technical school was a big disadvantage for me while trying to adjust to college requirements.  My high school education consisted of a concentration in the trade selection.  The academic aspect of my high school career was essentially a joke.  The academic program in technical schools, although no one would truly admit this, is designed to escort students to graduation in order to allow them to enter the work force as soon as possible.  This does not assist students in preparing for college.  SAT prep course are not offered and the guidance department encouraged students to attend a community college.  In summation, the only drive that technical students have for furthering their education must come from within.

            Coming to college with this academic background and while writing this self-assessment, I have realized again that I must use this drive to push myself to meet the demands of college.  Simply put, if I can’t get myself moving, I will be left behind and will not succeed in college.  With these disadvantages, I found it easy to make an excuse as to why something couldn’t be done or why I didn’t have to do it at that certain point in time.  If I haven’t learned anything from any of my professors all semester, I have learned that time management is the most important factor in succeed in college.  Procrastination has landed me in some very bad spots this semester: struggling last minute to finish papers, searching for notes right before quizzes to review last minute, etc.  Next semester, after failing in the ways I have this semester, I will be hitting classes with a different type of intensity.  I am making a promise to myself that I will not pass off school as I did myself.  The sad truth is that if I don’t step up my “school game,” I will most likely not make it to graduation or move on to have the career of my dreams. In order to progress in school next semester, I’m going to balance my time out better. The way I’m going to balance my time out better is by devoting more time to schoolwork and studying. In addition to this, I’m also going to try and develop better sleeping habits so that instead of waking up in the morning feeling groggy and tired, I will feel awake, refreshed, and ready to start my school day.

INQ

Being in the INQ learning community has provided me with a comfortable environment to start off my college career.  Seeing the same faces gives people some type of comfort I think because it gives you a sense of being familiar with what is going on around you.  Had I started Southern seeing different people all the time, I wouldn’t really feel like I belonged somewhere.  Be placed in classes with the same students almost gives you that high school feeling of going from class to class with each other which is good in a way.  Our three other classes (or sometimes more) shows us the other side of things so it’s a good balance between the two extremes.

            I think that the comfort feeling is what I will miss most.  Next semester I’m going to be in classes with a bunch of people that I don’t know and will only see the next time I go to that class so it gives less opportunity for a relationship to build between students.  Instead of just being a commuter floating between classes and not really knowing anyone, the learning community also gives me that familiar face feeling throughout the campus and not just in class.  So instead of just walking around not knowing anyone, I can get some comfort from knowing that I recognize someone.  Being in a learning community has given me a few contacts around Southern so I know I can call someone if I need help with a project or want to study with someone.  The learning communities provide a steady and secure bridge for making the connection to the campus community for first time students.

Dreams

            Lately I have been waking up angry in the morning.  It’s not because I woke up on the wrong side of the bed or had a bad night of sleep but it’s because of a more distinct purpose; my dreams.  I have been having dreams of a life that is nothing like mine.  I have been dreaming of waking up feeling care free and secure.   I proceed to walk outside dressed in a suit into the beautiful sun as I push the unlock button to my sports car.  As I go through my day, I am greeted by everyone I see with smiles and handshakes acting as if they are happy to even be in my presence.  In this moment I feel like I am where I’m supposed to be with no more confusion or uncertainty.

The unfortunate thing is I wake up and realize that, in reality, it’s the first time I’ve opened my eyes.  I never saw anything that I saw or felt any of the feelings I felt when I had woken up in my dream.  The frustration I feel after waking up like this tears me apart.  It leaves me disappointed with a false sense of accomplishment.  But I wonder if it’s just a taste of something I’m bound to truly be feeling at some point.  That thought only increases the feelings of disappointment and discouragement.  Is my dream the closest thing that I have to living my ideal life?  My ideal life is one that is filled with confidence, ambition, accomplishment, and happiness.  Waking up to a reality in which these feelings are real is my true desire in life, so for now I’ll let the frustration push me to carry on until I reach my goal.